Romanternet ... Romancing on the internet

Writing this one on request of one of my friend from Kerala.

FACT: The basic aim of any average guy is to get a girlfriend..Why? for fake love and real sex..yes it is a FACT! However not every guy is smart like Salman or handsome like Hrithik or 'beautiful' like Edward Cullen to get one in his college or neighborhood and so he goes for the next best thing which is internet! ahh internet the place where any cat can become a tiger...the place where no one knows you are a dog. These guys realized the unique power of internet and BANG this was the start of Romanternet..Romancing on the Internet!

Ok so our guy makes an account in facebook and orkut. In orkut he displays brilliant photos and his profile "about me" is so impressive that anyone who views it would picture a tom cruise while reading it when in reality his face looks like an hybrid cross of a kamal rashid khan and a rajpal yadav.


But hey! lets not generalize them but lets divide them. There are two kinds of 'romanterneters'- the educated and the uneducated. Will talk about the uneducated 'romanterneters' first.

People who come under this section do not know what love is. Their basic aim in life is to have sex. They were born under the wrong continent. There is not a single day of their life were they don`t think "fuck why was`nt i born in America? i would have surely got laid by now" These are male nymphomaniacs who have no aim,goal or direction in life. They are lonely in life. They have no one to love(sex) so they make internet accounts and with their bhaad engleesh pollute the internet with the no.1 pick up line "will you do fraandsshipp with me?". If the girl has a pic of celina jaitley ,these uneducated demented minds would automatically get horny and imagine themselves chatting with celina.These people tend to be over-weight,badly dressed,low in confidence and esteem and of course bad in english grammar yet inspite of all these shortcomings shamelessly and proudly display brad pitt or hrithik roshan as their profile photo.Usually some of these people fail to realize that most of those girls have shifted to facebook(they would`nt join facebook because it is obviously so fucking complicated for them). Those of them who do join believe in the philosophy that comment or like on any of the girl`s status or post everyday and one day you will get laid!





[Lonely sarcastic guy is the guy who is of the opinion that sarcasm is enough to sweep the woman off her feet, lonely fucker is that guy who will add modifications to the status posted by the girl or will give advice if the girl has some negative status but will rarely bother in commenting on their male friend`s status and annoying guy at the bottom is that guy who thinks that just cause of the fact that he speaks her mother tongue,this gives him an edge! Grow up guys...when you are in trouble(since u r so fuckin addicted to net ,the biggest problem u might face is when ur profile gets hacked) it is your friends who will help u not ur dream girl in the internet!]

Than there is the educated type- as he is well educated he realizes that a girl desires true love and not one night stand. He also knows that everyone has shifted to facebook and he too shifts cleverly concentrating on his status messages. He spends hours collecting philosophical quotes from brainyquote.com and slowly waits for his victim. Sooner or later when a female [whom he has`nt met in real life of course] comments than BANG he gets his target! Now he will stock each and every move [read as post] of his victim, entices her with his mystical virtual charm , gives sound advice on any problem the girl has. Comments or likes on each and every status of the girl and might even refer to her as "dear" (chutiye kabhi real life mein kissi larki ko dear bola hai kya...dear chod,kissi larki se baat kiya hai kya) . Slowly yet steadily and strategically starts to flirt with her and might get her cell phone number after which he starts sending her love quotes thinking that she would fall in love reading his messages(little does he know that the girl is actually thinking of her crush/dream man/edward cullen whilst reading those messages) than one day when his horoscope says it is a good day , he comes out of the closet(no i dont mean homosexually) he proposes her! maybe via sms or facebook secret inbox communication or if he is a real asshole than twitter DM. There are 99% chances that he would get rejected, so what does the guy do now? No he does`nt move on cause apparently he realizes that the girl he gifted a tractor in farmville is actually his dream girl. So he starts to become a bev-d(modern devdas is called dev-d,virtual devdas is called bev-d). Enters the brainyquote site again only this time searches for love failure quotes and starts flooding his status message with sad whiny quotes thinking that the girl-he-was-meant-to-be-with will read them...feel sorry for her actions..and say "mein tumse pyar karti hoon aur shaadi karna chahthi hoon sirf iss janam ke liye nahin agle saat janm k liye" .Sadly now the girl who got freaked out after hearing the proposal decided to ignore him and now does`nt even know if he still exists.


This was the rountine drama in social networking sites, lonely guy falls for a beauty with brains girl gets rejected , becomes a bev-d for some weeks till he finds his next true-luv-whom-he-was-meant-to-be-with girl who probably does`nt even live in his fuckin` country(but hey who cares about country when it comes to true-fuckin-love right?) . Everything was going fine until one fine day something really bad happened. Some of the girls became so fuckin addicted to internet that they were`nt able to get any boyfriend in real life and hence what they did? Yes thats right! they started to accept the proposals and this brought social networking into an all time low with the rise of INTERPLES - internet couples..long distance relationships. In my future blog post will rant on the torturous escapades of interples in facebook.