Switch off the God damn Television !

Let me get this straight...I hate television. I totally hate tv shows and this is quite a statement coming from a guy who used to be almost like a couch potato ten years ago. I am a typical 90`s kid and TV shows during the 90`s had a soul which is the one main thing that is missing in today`s TV shows. Probably an 80`s kid might be thinking the same about the shows aired during the 90`s,i do not know. But let`s face it, we can`t really blame those who create these bad shows. The one who needs to be blamed is the one who is holding the remote control. If he stops watching these non-sensical shows than probably the guys who are responsible would stop airing them. But nope he continues to watch and cheer whatever crap they air and hence this is the reason i hate TV viewers more than the TV shows.These TV shows are so mind numbing that they literally test your intelligence. Here`s presenting to you the top most annoying kinds of TV shows/viewers that i have seen in my life:-


1. Saas-bahu soaps:-
Of course you were expecting this category. These are those jobless house-wives(jobless because they don`t work outside and all house chores are handled by their servant maid) who spend the whole night from 7pm to 12 midnight watching melo-drama serials and also without fail watch the re-runs of the same episodes the next day afternoon. I mean do these dumb fucks really think that if Mihir died in last night`s episode there are chances of his death being just a false alarm in the re-run episode today noon? Why don`t you aunties just switch off the god damn tv and do any of the following things to pass your time:-

A. Fire your maid, get your fat ass up and start doing all the chores yourselves...by this you not only lose calories but also save money. And most importantly you can be almost sure that your husband will not do a "Shiney Ahujha" on you if there is no maid in the home.

B.If you are so fucking lazy to work than there is a better solution to pass away boredom. Have an affair. There are several sex starving 20 year old guys who will not think twice before sleeping with you as long as you still have the stuff. You will get plenty of satisfaction from them so shut the damn TV off.

2.Music Television:-
Dear MTv Addict youth,
No, watching MTv does not make you cool. No, those size zero non-curvy wanna-be model chicks in those supposed reality shows are not sexy.As the saying goes 'Only dogs go behind bones,real men prefer curves'.And if you are one of those who think that the TickR in the bottom of MTv is funny than you are a low life who needs to work on his humor.If you are addicted to those crap reality shows that MTv show and at the same time whine about how the saas bahu serials suck than please shut your god damn mouth and take a deep look at those crappy reality. They are nothing but glorified saas-bahu drama for the youth and when they say "f***" and it gets censored, I can almost hear some wanna-be cool dudes saying "oh god he just said the f word on tv...wow,he must be god!" I am not even sure why they call it Music television. 80% of it is filled with reality shows,10% is filled with actors promoting their films,5% filled with actors reminding the viewers that they are watching MTv and that they should enjoy this fact(God!) Where is the god damn music? And the worst part is those VJ`s.
Saw a bearded VJ with all the stereo-type gay characteristics called Andy(if am not wrong) WTF was it? i am not even sure if he/she/it was a human being. Also came across another VJ called hoezayy(or something) now if this man can become a VJ than even Raju Srivastav can become one.


3.Sports:-
I am not really that fond of sports so forgive me if i hurt sentiments of any sports fan reading this blog post but i seriously hate it when sport fanatics hog the television for hours watching their favourite sport and at the same time give a second by second running commentary via twitter mobile. Some of these guys even buy a so-called-original jersey of their favourite team from Reebok spending 1000 bucks and wear it while watching the match giving a false sense of pride.They even give up their fashion sense for the sake of supporting their team,i mean what kinda dumbfuck would spend so much bucks buying a ugly yellow coloured t shirt of Chennai super kings which has "Indian cements" written on it?
They not only watch the complete match but also watch the pre and post match analysis hosted by none other than Charu Sharma and Mandira Bedi. If you think Mandira Bedi becoming a cricket-expert hit an all time low than let me tell you this, i once saw Cyrus Broacha showing off his cricket expertise...no seriously,not kidding.



4.Laughter Show
Sadly this country is filled with people having really poor sense of humour and probably that`s what explains the success of laughter challenge shows.I have no clue why Archana Puran Singh and Navjot Singh laugh so much for jokes that are even more lamer than Santa-Banta jokes.And please for fuck`s sake and i cannot stress enough on the word fuck, these jokes aren`t even funny god damn it. Not even a bit funny,nope nothing nil.Trust me , spend time with me for half an hour and if i really like you i will tell you jokes that are kizillion times better than those made by Raju Srivastav. I am sure fans of such disgusting toilet humor shows are middle aged men who idolize Raju Srivastav....bastards.




5.Teenage candy floss shows
Am not sure where this fad started from. Probably its with "dill mill gaye".Imagine Karan Johar/Siddharth Malhotra/Punit Malhotra quitting films and directing TV shows, what do you get? You get all the shows that fall under this category.These are those shows targetting Indian teens by giving them a false sense of hope that there is a dream man waiting for them. He will be a good,flawless,charming man and will sweep them off their feet.All the shows under this category are so sugar coated that they have proven to be harmful for diabetic patients.The worst part is that most of the men in it have visible make-up on their face, Indian Edward Cullens indeed and oh don`t get me started on the god damn emotional bollywood songs they play in the background during emo moments.The success of "dill mill gaye" resulted in an outbreak of several bastard children(shows) with some of the most unintentional funny names like "love ne mila di jodi". To all the teenage girls out there, don`t you have something better to do in life than just watch these serials? Switch off the god damn Tv and do something fruitful like getting pregnant or something.



6.Talent hunt shows:-
India is a country filled with precious talents-True. But please guys(and by guys i mean celebrities who have failed in their careers and so have resorted to judging others talent even when they are not remotely connected to the field) stop making a mockery out of it. Giving pressure to poor 8 year old kids in winning competitions is so sad,i really pity these kids for losing their precious and beautiful childhood moments.And please for god`s sake tell me what is Sonali Bendre doing as a singing competition judge or for that matter Sajid khan as a talent show judge. All have sold their souls in the fight for Trp`s.Miss those times when reality shows were called music competition(Remember Antakshri with Anu Kapoor?)
More than the actual singing the show is more concerned with Himesh Reshammiya having a verbal war with Ismail Darbar.It`s funny how music talent shows have slowly shifted to the big bosses and the svayamvars.

7.News Channels:-
Everything that is needed to be said about present news channels can be summed up in one word...chutiya.



8.Cartoons:-
What the hell is wrong with cartoons these days? It is really sad that craps especially Japanese anime have taken over all the gems that used to be on air during the 90`s.Kids these days totally suck. By the way, South Park and simpsons don`t come under this category..they`re more than just mere "Cartoons". However 'Family Guy' definitely comes under this category.

9. Relationship based shows:-
A sub-category of the second type posted above. Ladies,Please don`t approach shows like emotional atyachaar. If your partner fails the test you will be a laughing stock in front of millions for being fooled by a guy and if he by chance passes the test than he is obviously going to get angry with you that you doubted him to the extent of almost making your relationship a national tamasha and he will break the relationship. Your relationship will be diminished regardless so do not approach such shows....idiots.I have nothing to say about "axe your ex".



Before anyone bashes me saying that i should`nt watch Tv if i hate it than trust me I hardly watch Tv.Infact i don`t even have a TV in the place where i live now.Just watch it at times when i am with family cause i cannot do anything else


P.S
Feels really nice to be blogging after more than two weeks. Have been travelling a lot recently so haven`t posted anything.Anyway enough about me,how have you all been?